We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
