OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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