My Higher Power is John Stamos
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
