There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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