got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
