My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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