the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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