He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
