The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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