i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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