yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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