are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
