Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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