It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
