My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't deserve a penis
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
