We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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