is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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