Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
