Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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