i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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