is your mom at the bar?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
