Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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