You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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