i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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