Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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