You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
