some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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