never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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