Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
