You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
