i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
