He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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