may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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