he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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