Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
