omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
