His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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