stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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