Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
