I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i need some magic done to my vagina
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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