why didn't you poke me back
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
