I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
