on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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