I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
