you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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