He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
