Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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