remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We are two peas in an std pod
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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