she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
