i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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