im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
