either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
