I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
