You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
