i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize