i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
