Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
