is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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