I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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