I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
