i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
