Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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