i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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